I'm a little worried about myself right now. Or, I know that I SHOULD feel worried, and so I tell myself that I am. In truth, I have no opinion on the matter. I didn't actually think that this would work, when I started it all about seven years ago. But, I might have been subconsciously doing it long before that. I had figured that I didn't have it in me, like Black did. She was always so good at those things, they came natural to her. I envied that. But I did try, and only now, at this age, do I even realize that I was successful. Too successful. And if I ever found the interest in reversing it, I'm not sure that it could be reversed. Sometimes, I fool myself into thinking that I'm feeling something, and I attempt to surround myself with like influences--and then I look at it all with an expressionless face, and I know that it means nothing to me. Is it fair, I wonder, to them whom I'm pretending to feel for? But if I have no power over my lack of emotion, how can I be blamed? I would like nothing more than to feel it all. Or, I SHOULD desire that. And it is meaningless.

--END